Ministry; What Hurts The Most!

Ministry; What Hurts The Most!

This entry will be less informative and more personal. As a minister for over a decade now I have many memories, happy memories, sad memories, memories of elation, pain, joy, turmoil, hurt, gladness, betrayal, defeat, victory, salvations, laughter, celebration, anger, remorse, regret, grace, forgiveness, reconciliation, separation, I've felt the pain of lies, I've rejoiced in accomplishment and on and on I could go. 

I've been betrayed by men who were partners in leadership, lied about, talked about, and it HURT! But, I got over it. I can forgive, move on, love unconditionally. The pain lasted for season but it mended.

I've been let down by many, many, many people in ministry who said "preacher, I will do it." Every time someone says they will and they commit with their word and then they don't follow through IT HURTS! It creates loneliness and bitterness for a season but I move on. I forgive,  I forget, and I march on.

I've been disrespected, pushed aside, and treated as a door mat. I am just like every other man but when someone shows me the respect of referring to me as Pastor or preacher it lights a fire in me, it encourages me, it fuels me, it solidifies my purpose and when I'm not respected in that way I say it doesn't matter but my heart says something else. It HURTS. My nature is to bury it, tell myself I'm unworthy of the respect, then I forgive, I forget, and I move on.

I've been held to an unattainable standard and when I reveal the truth that I'm fallible and testify of God's grace in that, I've been ridiculed and I've told that I'm too open, that no one will respect a preacher that's so transparent and IT HURT! You guessed it, I forgave, I forgot, and I moved on.

My wife has been talked about, lied on, and overlooked for the former pastor's wife. I got angry, IT HURT but guess what we did.... We forgave, we forgot, and we moved on.

Ministry has it's share of sacrifices, pains, valleys, disappointments, hurts, and struggles but for me personally there is one thing that hurts the most. I know it's different across the spectrum for each person in ministry but for me the one thing that cuts so deep, creates the most fear, causes the deepest disappointment, is the heaviest burden, and steals and suffocates my sense of purpose in Christ is the feeling of being ineffective! You preach, you study, you serve, you give, you sacrifice, you lead, you teach, you disciple, you push, you encourage, you train, you give everything that you are and when you look around you feel so ineffective! If I'm completely transparent, this is exactly where I am right now. From scripture I find that the avenue to be the most effective is not behind the pulpit but by what people see in your life. Do you live what you preach? As an elder I am called to be an ensample, my children in the faith follow me as I follow Christ, is what the Apostle Paul said. I have tried to model many things to many people yet when you are lost in this feeling of inadequacy you tend to feel like Elijah when he hid in the cave after Mt. Carmel, you feel all alone in the fight, that no one else cares, and you just want to give in and lay it all down. Now, I know the scriptures, I know that's not the case, I know Isaiah preached his whole life with no "success" but he was still effective and successful because he was obedient to God and successfully fulfilled God's plan according to God's will but I'll be the first to say I don't like it! Lol. I know that the Gospel saves those who believe it and condemns those who resist it, it's accomplishing God's will but in my heart, in my soul, all I want is for the people around me to grow, to know God so intimately, to understand their purpose in Christ, to walk completely in the Spirit and when I feel as if what I am saying and living is falling on deaf ears IT HURTS, MORE THAN ANY OTHER MINISTRY HURT, IT HURTS THE MOST! It sucks the zeal, the drive, the passion, and the devotion right out from under you, it suffocates the fire of evangelism and discipleship! This past Sunday morning I preached on the importance of Church and Community to a good size crowd, I gave them the Word of God and I gave them my heart. I passionately laid the warning out for all to hear, just to come back to the night worship with just a hand full of people present. Talk about pain, talk about hurt, talk about loneliness, that's the place. You try to model a positive spirit yet the person is critical, you try to model maturity and humility yet the person remains arrogant and immature, you attempt to model leadership yet the person remains scared and insecure, you attempt to model confidence in Christ and the person remains unsettled, you attempt to model reliance on the scriptures not experience and the person continues to place the latter above the other, you try to model loyalty and commitment yet the person remains nominal, disconnected, uninvolved, and uncommitted. IT HURTS! This is my honest plea, if your Pastor and the vision of your church is leading you by biblical example then follow, follow well and watch your Pastor and his passion grow, watch people get saved, watch the church grow, what the world change! 

I pray this helps someone, I've laid my heart on this screen today and I will forgive, I will forget, and by the Grace of God I will continue on in the fight! God bless!