Why Am I Unhappy In My Marriage?

Why Am I Unhappy In My Marriage?

I'm sure you've never been unhappy, frustrated, hurt, unappreciated, lonely, distraught, confused, emasculated, or trapped in your marriage. But for those who have, keep reading and let God help you along the way. The reality is, these feelings should be expected because a marriage consists of two humans broken by the fall. Anyone who is honest and not living in a bubble have experienced these feelings in the course of their marriage. I personally think that it's helpful to others to share our struggles in life. Many people think marriage is as a fairy tale, that the majority of couples live happily ever after, when the reality is far from that scenario! For a couple still in the newlywed stage they must be given real examples of the struggle and real examples of overcoming those struggles! I've been married for a month shy of ten years, it's been amazing, wonderful, hard, a struggle, joyous, I've spent many times crying in tears, yelling in anger, but I've spent more time laughing, smiling, and enjoying the one person God created to be my help mate! You see, the feelings of despair are natural but they also pass. You won't always be happy! Unhappiness is not a reason to doubt your marriage, or bail out on it! Jesus said divorce is Biblical under two circumstances, death and adultery, unhappiness wasn't an option! You marriage is worth fighting for! Happiness is determined, not by what we experience, but our reaction to it! Do you remember the old saying, "what goes around comes around?" Once the cycle starts it doesn't stop until someone is willing to stand in the gap and change the situation! Every marriage needs a hero and you are it! Negativity will breed negativity, if you're harsh, judgmental, brash, unappreciative, selfish, arrogant, and so on, your spouse will generate the same reactions to you! James says that fightings come from our own selfish desires, marriage should NEVER be about our desires but the desires of our spouse! The good news is that positivity also breeds positivity! If you are sensitive, nurturing, pleasing, uplifting, encouraging, compassionate, understanding, loving, and gentle with your spouse, they too will return those attributes back to you! We all have strengths, we all have struggles, we all have talents and abilities, and we all have things we're not so good at. The key to success in your marriage is to exalt each others strengths instead of criticizing each others faults! Over the years, countless marriage and relationship books, discussions with friends and pastors I've learned two key things that must be met for a successful marriage! Needless to say, I've never read them in a book! Another pastor and I were discussing it and he made two observations that I completely agree with, these two observations are absolutely true and, if fulfilled, would create a positive plateau in your marriage! First of all, let us begin with that elusive, misunderstood creature we call woman. Men have searched the world over and still have a hard time even scratching the surface on women. But here is a woman's need in one simple statement, if you fulfill this, all other things will fall in place. A woman MUST feel needed! Even if she is needed, yet doesn't feel needed, your marriage is struggling! Make her your queen, appreciate her, thank her, acknowledge her, love her, let her know that not only is she needed but that she is fulfilling your every need and she will go above and beyond whatever you need and desire! Now let us turn to that simple creature, that creature of habit that we call man. It surprises me that as simple as we men are that women have such a hard time understanding the one basic need that must be fulfilled for a man to be happy, productive, and useful in the marriage unit. Listen ladies, your man doesn't need your body first, your money, your beauty, your home making skills, or anything of that nature! We men are simple and in this one simple statement you can supply the fuel for your man to absolutely become the man you always wanted in your marriage. A man MUST have his ego stroked, he MUST feel like THE MAN! You may tell everybody else how good your man is, how good of a father, lover, friend, provider he is but if you're criticizing him to his face, putting him down, nagging him, not only will he be unfulfilled and unprofitable in the marriage but his reaction to you will cause you to feel unappreciated, unneeded and you too will be left wanting and unfulfilled! But, if you make him the KING, the MAN, the ONE, the BEST thing you've ever known, then he will make you his queen and your marriage will prosper, flourish, and grow like NEVER before! If you're unhappy in your marriage, it doesn't start with your spouse, it starts with YOU! If you want it to change, you must initiate the change, you must stop the negativity, you must pour and invest yourself into what's worth fighting for! Love isn't an emotion, you don't FALL out of love! Love is a commitment to positive action towards someone without an expectation in return. So, if you've vowed your love to him/her, prove it! Men, she needs to be needed! Ladies, he needs to believe that you believe that he's the best thing since sliced bread! Ignite a fire in your relationship today that can blaze for eternity! I hope this has been a help. You may be skeptical of this advice, but you've tried everything else so why not give it a shot? It's worth it! God Bless!

Ephesians 5:21-33King James Version (KJV)

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Proverbs 31:10-31King James Version (KJV)

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 18:22King James Version (KJV)

22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

James 4:1-3King James Version (KJV)

4 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

If You Haven't Changed, Neither Has Your Destination!

If You Haven't Changed, Neither Has Your Destination!

There's something common among our generation that has me frightened! There is a plague of a spiritless gospel blinding a generation sending them straight to Hell! A gospel that is completely opposite of the True Gospel presented by Jesus Christ. So many have made a profession, went through conformation, been baptized, prayed a sinner's prayer, joined a church, took the sacraments, observed religious duties, had an intellectual reception of Christianity, had an orthodoxy of faith, said prayers, read the Bible, been cultured or refined, did good deeds but have failed to be transformed by

the renewing of their minds! They have never exhibited the fruit of the Spirit, have the same sinful actions and lusts, look the same, act the same, sound the same, and in all reality, they are the same. And because Jesus Christ hasn't been allowed to interfere with their life and make them a new creature, they remain lost and bound for a devil's Hell! Jesus speaks a parable of a sower. He gives four examples of the seed(the Gospel) being sown(accepted) among four types of ground(human hearts). So each of these souls described in this parable had a "religious" encounter with the Gospel and accepted it. Yet three out the four NEVER produced fruit meet for repentance! And because they did not change, neither did their destination! I remember having a conversation with a young man going through a conformation class and he was confused about salvation and grace and so forth. I posed this question, "how many people do you know that have went through conformation and were different after than before?" His response shook the depths of my soul, "NONE!" WOW! This spiritless gospel, this false religion, this heresy is plaguing our land, dooming spiritually blind, searching for truth young men and women to Hell! If the blind lead the blind they will both fall into the ditch! No wonder truth is being compromised, pushed aside, negated, not in the world but in the CHURCH! We're not just fighting for truth in our society, our culture, our country but now we're fighting against the prevailing heresies suffocating the truth in the church! Homosexuality is ok, no need to change, keep living how you're living just love, no need to become a

new creature, no need to "conform" to the gospel, no need to be any different, just pray this prayer. THAT IS HERESY! If you haven't changed, neither has your destination! You can't turn over a new leaf, straighten up your own life, etc. It takes a spiritual regeneration, a new birth in the Spirit, a transformation by the renewing of your mind! It takes a personal relationship with Jesus Christ! If there isn't a rip, a tear, a ripple in your existence that screams "I've met Jesus" then your blind, your doomed, your living in a false hope! But, today's the day, now's the accepted time! Accept him on a personal level, allow him to change your world, your life, your words, your actions, your responses, your attitude, your thankfulness, your WHOLE LIFE! There's a fork in the road, keep being the same old you and go to Hell or accept Jesus and allow him to mold you into his image and reach Heaven! The choice is yours!

2 Corinthians 5:14-21King James Version (KJV)

14 For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:

15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.

16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.

21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

Galatians 5:16-25King James Version (KJV)

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Romans 12:1-2King James Version (KJV)

12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Matthew 13:1-23King James Version (KJV)

13 The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side.

2 And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.

3 And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying, Behold, a sower went forth to sow;

4 And when he sowed, some seeds fell by the way side, and the fowls came and devoured them up:

5 Some fell upon stony places, where they had not much earth: and forthwith they sprung up, because they had no deepness of earth:

6 And when the sun was up, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away.

7 And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprung up, and choked them:

8 But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold.

9 Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.

10 And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables?

11 He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.

12 For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.

13 Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.

14 And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:

15 For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.

16 But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.

17 For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.

18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.

19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.

20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;

21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.

22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.

23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.

John 3:1-16King James Version (KJV)

3 There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:

2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.

3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?

5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

9 Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?

10 Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?

11 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen; and ye receive not our witness.

12 If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?

13 And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.

14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:

15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.