Why Am I Unhappy In My Marriage?

Why Am I Unhappy In My Marriage?

I'm sure you've never been unhappy, frustrated, hurt, unappreciated, lonely, distraught, confused, emasculated, or trapped in your marriage. But for those who have, keep reading and let God help you along the way. The reality is, these feelings should be expected because a marriage consists of two humans broken by the fall. Anyone who is honest and not living in a bubble have experienced these feelings in the course of their marriage. I personally think that it's helpful to others to share our struggles in life. Many people think marriage is as a fairy tale, that the majority of couples live happily ever after, when the reality is far from that scenario! For a couple still in the newlywed stage they must be given real examples of the struggle and real examples of overcoming those struggles! I've been married for a month shy of ten years, it's been amazing, wonderful, hard, a struggle, joyous, I've spent many times crying in tears, yelling in anger, but I've spent more time laughing, smiling, and enjoying the one person God created to be my help mate! You see, the feelings of despair are natural but they also pass. You won't always be happy! Unhappiness is not a reason to doubt your marriage, or bail out on it! Jesus said divorce is Biblical under two circumstances, death and adultery, unhappiness wasn't an option! You marriage is worth fighting for! Happiness is determined, not by what we experience, but our reaction to it! Do you remember the old saying, "what goes around comes around?" Once the cycle starts it doesn't stop until someone is willing to stand in the gap and change the situation! Every marriage needs a hero and you are it! Negativity will breed negativity, if you're harsh, judgmental, brash, unappreciative, selfish, arrogant, and so on, your spouse will generate the same reactions to you! James says that fightings come from our own selfish desires, marriage should NEVER be about our desires but the desires of our spouse! The good news is that positivity also breeds positivity! If you are sensitive, nurturing, pleasing, uplifting, encouraging, compassionate, understanding, loving, and gentle with your spouse, they too will return those attributes back to you! We all have strengths, we all have struggles, we all have talents and abilities, and we all have things we're not so good at. The key to success in your marriage is to exalt each others strengths instead of criticizing each others faults! Over the years, countless marriage and relationship books, discussions with friends and pastors I've learned two key things that must be met for a successful marriage! Needless to say, I've never read them in a book! Another pastor and I were discussing it and he made two observations that I completely agree with, these two observations are absolutely true and, if fulfilled, would create a positive plateau in your marriage! First of all, let us begin with that elusive, misunderstood creature we call woman. Men have searched the world over and still have a hard time even scratching the surface on women. But here is a woman's need in one simple statement, if you fulfill this, all other things will fall in place. A woman MUST feel needed! Even if she is needed, yet doesn't feel needed, your marriage is struggling! Make her your queen, appreciate her, thank her, acknowledge her, love her, let her know that not only is she needed but that she is fulfilling your every need and she will go above and beyond whatever you need and desire! Now let us turn to that simple creature, that creature of habit that we call man. It surprises me that as simple as we men are that women have such a hard time understanding the one basic need that must be fulfilled for a man to be happy, productive, and useful in the marriage unit. Listen ladies, your man doesn't need your body first, your money, your beauty, your home making skills, or anything of that nature! We men are simple and in this one simple statement you can supply the fuel for your man to absolutely become the man you always wanted in your marriage. A man MUST have his ego stroked, he MUST feel like THE MAN! You may tell everybody else how good your man is, how good of a father, lover, friend, provider he is but if you're criticizing him to his face, putting him down, nagging him, not only will he be unfulfilled and unprofitable in the marriage but his reaction to you will cause you to feel unappreciated, unneeded and you too will be left wanting and unfulfilled! But, if you make him the KING, the MAN, the ONE, the BEST thing you've ever known, then he will make you his queen and your marriage will prosper, flourish, and grow like NEVER before! If you're unhappy in your marriage, it doesn't start with your spouse, it starts with YOU! If you want it to change, you must initiate the change, you must stop the negativity, you must pour and invest yourself into what's worth fighting for! Love isn't an emotion, you don't FALL out of love! Love is a commitment to positive action towards someone without an expectation in return. So, if you've vowed your love to him/her, prove it! Men, she needs to be needed! Ladies, he needs to believe that you believe that he's the best thing since sliced bread! Ignite a fire in your relationship today that can blaze for eternity! I hope this has been a help. You may be skeptical of this advice, but you've tried everything else so why not give it a shot? It's worth it! God Bless!

Ephesians 5:21-33King James Version (KJV)

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Proverbs 31:10-31King James Version (KJV)

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 18:22King James Version (KJV)

22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

James 4:1-3King James Version (KJV)

4 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.